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Post by DeeCee on Nov 25, 2016 5:18:15 GMT -7
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Post by stitchdup on Nov 25, 2016 5:27:58 GMT -7
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Post by coyotecrunch on Nov 25, 2016 7:00:34 GMT -7
rolling rolling rolling
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Post by stitchdup on Nov 25, 2016 7:23:54 GMT -7
A dad walks into a market with his young son. The kid is holding a 10 pence piece. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face.
The dad realizes the boy has swallowed the coin and starts panicking, shouting for help.
A well dressed, attractive, but serious- looking woman in a blue
business suit is sitting at a coffee bar in the market, reading her
newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion she looks up, puts her coffee cup down on the saucer, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the market.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully takes hold of the boy's testicles and starts to squeeze, gently at first and then ever more firmly.
After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the coin, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand. Releasing the boy, the woman hands the money to the father and walks back to her seat in the coffee bar without saying a word.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no lasting ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?"
"No," the woman replies, "I work for the tax office"
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Post by stitchdup on Nov 25, 2016 7:27:21 GMT -7
A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye....It reads:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
10 MILES
He thinks this is a figment of his imagination and drives on without second thought...
Soon he sees another sign which reads:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
5 MILES
Suddenly he begins to realize that these signs are for real and drives past a third sign saying:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
NEXT RIGHT
His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On the far side of the parking lot is a stone building with a small sign next to the door reading:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, 'What may we do for you my son?'
He answers, 'I saw your signs along the highway and was interested in possibly doing business....'
'Very well my son. Please follow me.' He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door and tells the man, 'Please knock on this door.'
He does so and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup answers the door... This nun instructs, 'Please place $100 in the cup then go through the large wooden door at the end of the hallway.'
He puts $100 in the cup, eagerly trots down the hall and slips through the door pulling it shut behind him.
The door locks, and he finds himself back in the parking lot facing another sign:
GO IN PEACE.
YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS.
SERVES YOU RIGHT, YOU SINNER
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Post by coyotecrunch on Nov 25, 2016 7:27:30 GMT -7
Sad - but OOOOOOO so true!!!  |
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Post by Deleted on Nov 25, 2016 7:56:30 GMT -7
AHHHHH yes... two-thumbs-up-smiley-emoticon
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Post by Deleted on Nov 25, 2016 8:01:54 GMT -7
Q: What's an old woman have between her breasts that a young woman doesn't?
A: A navel.
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Post by Big D on Nov 25, 2016 8:23:18 GMT -7
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Post by Deleted on Nov 25, 2016 9:47:30 GMT -7
Q: How can a woman scare a gynecologist?
A: By becoming a ventriloquist.
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Post by stitchdup on Nov 25, 2016 10:22:16 GMT -7
that would be awesome lol
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Post by Big D on Nov 25, 2016 11:39:20 GMT -7
This little guys face is priceless.
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Post by Big D on Nov 25, 2016 11:40:28 GMT -7
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Post by Deleted on Nov 27, 2016 9:36:58 GMT -7
egyptian I have a card!!
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Post by Deleted on Nov 28, 2016 8:56:05 GMT -7
Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 28, 2016 9:10:30 GMT -7
Q: How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?
A: When his right hand caught on fire.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 28, 2016 9:18:03 GMT -7
Q: What does a cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?
A: Wipes.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 2, 2016 1:19:13 GMT -7
Old folks are worth a fortune, with silver in their hair, gold in their teeth, stones in their kidneys, lead in their feet and gas in their stomachs. I have become a lot more social with the passing of the years, some might even call me a frivolous old gal. I’m seeing five gentlemen every day! As soon as I wake, Will Power helps me get out of bed. Then I go see John. Then Charley Horse comes along, and when he is here he takes a lot of my time and attention! When he leaves, Arthur Ritis shows up and stays the rest of the day. He doesn’t like to stay in one place very long, so he takes me from joint to joint! After such a busy day, I’m really tired and glad to go to bed, with Ben Gay! P.S. The preacher came to call the other day. He said that at my age I should be thinking about the hear-after. I told him I do, all the time. No matter where I am, in the kitchen or down in the basement, I ask myself, “Now what am I here after?” Read more at Poem : Old Folks Are Worth A Fortune www.turnbacktogod.com/poem-old-folks-are-worth-a-fortune/#ixzz4RfOP1J4W |
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Post by Deleted on Dec 2, 2016 6:47:16 GMT -7
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Post by mustang1989 on Dec 2, 2016 20:13:32 GMT -7
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Post by mustang1989 on Dec 2, 2016 20:14:41 GMT -7
A man walked into his back yard saw a gorilla in his tree. He looked through the yellow pages in the phone book until he found “gorilla exterminator”. So he gives the guy at the exterminator service a call and he showed up about 20 minutes later in an old ’53 Chevy stepside. He jumped out of the truck with a baseball, a dog, a pair of handcuffs and a shotgun.
The home owner asked the guy, “What’s all that get up for?” So the guy tells the home owner, “I'm going to climb the tree and hit this gorilla over the head with the baseball bat and he’ll fall out of the tree and onto the ground. After he does that, the dog’s gonna go over to him and grab ahold of his nuts real hard and shake him and the gorilla will put his hands down there to protect himself and that’ll be when you slap the handcuffs on, I throw him in the back of the truck and you don’t have a gorilla problem no more!”
The home owner replied, “Um…..ok…..well….now that I get all that…..What’s the shotgun for?” .
Then the service guy says, “That’s for in case that dam gorilla knocks me out of the tree. I’ll want you to shoot that f&#^@g dog!!!!”
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Post by Deleted on Dec 2, 2016 20:58:45 GMT -7
A man walked into his back yard saw a gorilla in his tree. He looked through the yellow pages in the phone book until he found “gorilla exterminator”. So he gives the guy at the exterminator service a call and he showed up about 20 minutes later in an old ’53 Chevy stepside. He jumped out of the truck with a baseball, a dog, a pair of handcuffs and a shotgun. The home owner asked the guy, “What’s all that get up for?” So the guy tells the home owner, “I'm going to climb the tree and hit this gorilla over the head with the baseball bat and he’ll fall out of the tree and onto the ground. After he does that, the dog’s gonna go over to him and grab ahold of his nuts real hard and shake him and the gorilla will put his hands down there to protect himself and that’ll be when you slap the handcuffs on, I throw him in the back of the truck and you don’t have a gorilla problem no more!” The home owner replied, “Um…..ok…..well….now that I get all that…..What’s the shotgun for?” . Then the service guy says, “That’s for in case that dam gorilla knocks me out of the tree. I’ll want you to shoot that f&#^@g dog!!!!” |
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Post by Deleted on Dec 2, 2016 20:59:57 GMT -7
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Post by mustang1989 on Dec 2, 2016 21:19:56 GMT -7
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Post by Deleted on Dec 3, 2016 1:34:41 GMT -7
you know those old road runner cartoons everytime the cyote orders from acme it blows up lol came across a model from a company called acme and was like ok no orders there would hate to assemble something that would blow up jk
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Post by stitchdup on Dec 3, 2016 1:54:41 GMT -7
you know those old road runner cartoons everytime the cyote orders from acme it blows up lol came across a model from a company called acme and was like ok no orders there would hate to assemble something that would blow up jk perfect kit for a breakers dio then, lol |
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Post by stitchdup on Dec 3, 2016 2:00:03 GMT -7
If they make a movie about Morgan Freeman's life, who would narrate it?
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Post by DeeCee on Dec 3, 2016 2:01:40 GMT -7
you know those old road runner cartoons everytime the cyote orders from acme it blows up lol came across a model from a company called acme and was like ok no orders there would hate to assemble something that would blow up jk My clothes line is ACME brand... it's over 50 + years old |
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Post by Deleted on Dec 3, 2016 2:48:56 GMT -7
les if anyone narrated his life story lawrence fishburn or samuel l jackson lol
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Post by Big D on Dec 4, 2016 8:22:06 GMT -7
I was searching Ebay looking at models when I found this picture of Courtney Force standing beside her dragster engine. you know how you can put your cursor on the picture and it blows up the image, well I found myself putting the cursor on the engine to look at the details instead of Courtney's butt. That tells you something, I'm just not sure what.
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